I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
