I should be sponsored by Trojan
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
