Whod you bang
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
