I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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