im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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