oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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