She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
