the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
