so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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