This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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