my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
