So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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