haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
