If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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