my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
