i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
