we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
