so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
