Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
