I want to have your abortion
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
