it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
