you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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