Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
