idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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