Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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