you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
