I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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