why didn't you poke me back
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
