this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
this beer tastes like vomit already
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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