well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize