He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
