I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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