Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I wish I only lived at night.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
