yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
