I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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