I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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