I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
