I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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