I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
