when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
