yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
In other news, I just burned my penis
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
When are your genitals available?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
