this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
