wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
