I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
