i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i think i just lost a toe
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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