I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
