my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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