Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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