i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
