Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
