dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
