All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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