is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Walk of Shame today included voting.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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