Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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