i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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