Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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