u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
