Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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