I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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