I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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