Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
