I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Bring me that man meat
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize