Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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