I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
