The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
