They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
