Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
we're so committed to being not committed
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize