Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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