Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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