I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize