eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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