This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
