Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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