having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
