If i come over, it means nothing
id be glad to
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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