An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Come on in and take your pants off
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