This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize