i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Life is so much better after having sex.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I will pee on everything he values.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
