I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
