i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
