I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
