coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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