I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
