90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize