She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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