my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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